Seasons of Life

I never expected to be a housewife without children.

This journey for me is and has been a difficult one. It’s been difficult for me to accept God’s timing for us in trying for children for the last 3.5 years. For most, if not all, of that time I had been working steadily albeit unhappily at my job. I had high goals for my life and high expectations of myself. At that job I felt I was just waiting around until something big happened. Then it did. As I was moving to another program, I was told that I was going through material too fast and that they had heard background noise ( a big no no when you work from home as a Call Center Rep, which I completely understood.) which was impossible because at the time I was in a hotel and no where near my noisy home of (at that time) two dogs. I was told that I wasn’t right for the program because of this and my job was therefore terminated. I couldn’t go back to my old program but I didn’t really want to. I hated every aspect of that job. I felt undervalued, not appreciated, and had strict rules to abide by. Ones that in my opinion, didn’t really make sense! So as I sat there in the hotel room I sobbed for what seemed like an hour. What would I do next? What would be my path? Where was I to go? I knew I didn’t want to be back in front of a computer screen all day long, I was very good with a face-to-face interaction type of job. So I began searching through my mind on things that I enjoyed, which started with me going to get a pedicure to perk myself up. It was there I thought, hey I can do this, and that led to me completing Aesthetics school and of course, my license. After that I was in limbo again. I knew that once I’d finished school and my license that we would go immediately back to our plan to have children. For about a month I enjoyed doing nothing. Going to Aesthetics school was a long journey every day – driving an hour, working/learning, and driving an hour home. But then I began to get restless, as I often do when I don’t have anything to do. My help came from lots of prayer to be satisfied with the seasons in my life. I know there will be a time when I wish I could have a quiet moment or go to the bathroom solo or sleep in or do whatever it is I want to without so many little faces depending on me and it seems as if most times I was rushing that. I wanted that chaos. I wanted to feel needed on a different level. Maybe that’s the idea of motherhood calling out, being needed. I know my husband needs me but it’s a different need than having children. Children actually need you for the simplest of tasks. I need my husband emotionally but having a child depend on me for guidance and basic necessities is very very different. I always want to plan ahead, think of what’s next, what’s next instead of enjoying what I’m doing now. I didn’t pray for patience, I prayed for contentment in my life. Being content with this season of being a housewife sans children, enjoying my husband selfishly for a little longer. It’s difficult for me. But deep down I know it is what I need to be doing. I know it’s what will please God. Satisfied.

Goals for 2011

1.) Start our family.
2.) Get my Aesthetics license.
3.) Learn to knit gloves.
4.) Start piano lessons ( again.)
5.) Start violin lessons.
6.) Pay at least 300.00 towards my big loan. ( For a total of about 3600.00 for 2011.)
7.) Read more books. ( I’ve accomplished a lot of this in 2010.)
8.) Keep our dining room table cleaned off.
9.) Stick to a regular gym schedule. at least 3-4 days a week. Possibly more.
10.) Run more. I’d like to accomplish a 10K.

What Not To Buy At Christmas

According to Kiplinger there are 10 Things Not to Buy at Christmastime. I’m definitely thinking about some of these so I’m glad I read this and will wait.

1.) Computers ( best time is August during the back-t0-school sales)
2.) TVs ( Jan/Feb/March is the best time because of the Super Bowl – we bought ours around that time several years ago. It was in the “wasn’t working” condition until my husband had the bright idea to plug it in and show the store it did work. Plus it was marked down because of the scratch on it. I can’t even tell you where that scratch is.
3.) Linens ( I  really want some new linens!) wait until January.
4.) Tools ( Try in June, around Father’s Day.)
5.) Snow Blowers ( try March)
6.) Cameras ( in February they’re marked down for the latest to come out)
7.) Coats, hats, and gloves ( February and March)
8.) Skis ( March and April)
9.)Furinature ( 10% to 50% if you buy in January)
10.)Cars ( the steepest discount of December)

 

I am really looking forward to some new linens. I’d also like to get some blinds and drapes but I’ll wait for those until we move to our new apartment in the City. I’m thinking of making a little project for myself when I become a full-time housewife, coming up within the next week, of stripping and repainting our bedroom furniture. We really need I really want a headboard. I want to paint it white instead of the espresso color it currently is. In our home I plan to have hardwood floors that are espresso and I think that in connection with the furniture would be too harsh.

graduation

The rain continues slowly as the ice begins to melt ; making the sky a dull gray.  It makes it difficult to have a productive day.  After looking at the “special weather statement” that continuously pops up on my FireFox, I am considering crying myself to sleep. The rain from today is supposed to freeze tonight, although not nearly as bad as last night. Tomorrow is graduation! I’ll still be attending school afterward, which I do find interesting but nevertheless tomorrow I sort of, graduate.

 

The gingerbread house building was a bit of a failure. My roof was too thick and it just made the entire thing collapse. I’d also purchased some frosting in a bottle like Reddy-wip that was cream cheese. I think it was the wrong thing for gingerbread and it needed a special kind of icing. The flavor of the gingerbread itself was really good. We just ate the pieces instead of building the house. I think I’ll attempt it again.

 

In the meantime I’ve gotten on board with the preparing for baby things even though we haven’t even started on the IVF journey. I’m hoping. I’m praying and if it doesn’t work, we’ll know. Either way up next is a baby, whether born of my womb or another’s we will be starting our family.

At this rate it seems as if I’ll never graduate. Snow days have really been bringing me down. I have only 7 days of school left. Just 7.

But snow and ice keep me home. Today I can’t even go out of the house without risking a fall. Our back gate is so ice-laden that I can’t open the lock. I slide all over when taking out the dogs.

On Tuesday, Ryan was taking the dogs for a long walk and upon returning Thurston fell and hurt is paw. We took him to the Emergency Clinic just to make sure nothing was broken or torn – especially with a puppy and ice. Thankfully he’s much better and back to his old self. Jumping (no no no Thurston!) Running up the stairs and playing with Ringo.

 

 

Color Change?

I’ve been considering going red lately. I’m thinking this is the perfect red. Think I can pull it off?

 

Gingerbread House Recipe.

How to Make a Gingerbread House

Recipe here

Ingredients

• 6 cups all purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 4 teaspoons ground ginger
• 4 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves or allspice
• 1/2 teaspoon salt

• 1 1/2 sticks (12 Tbsp) butter, softened
• 1 1/2 cups packed light brown sugar

• 2 large eggs
• 1 cup dark molasses
• 1 Tbsp water

Method

Make the Gingerbread Dough

1 Whisk together the dry ingredients in a large bowl, set aside.

2 Using an electric mixer, beat on medium speed the butter and brown sugar until fluffy and well blended. Beat in the eggs, molasses and water until well combined.

3 Beat half of the flour mixture into the molasses mixture until well blended and smooth. Stir in the remaining flour. Knead (or use your mixer’s dough hook) until well blended. If dough is too soft, add a little more flour.

4 Wrap the dough in plastic wrap and refrigerate at least two hours, preferably overnight. You can make it up to 3 days ahead of time. Let sit at room temperature for at least 10 minutes before rolling out.

I added flour on top of the plastic wrap, then the dough, and more flour so it doesn’t stick to it.  Have I mentioned how much I hate plastic wrap? It’s so annoying. It clings to itself and then doesn’t come apart and then when you wrap up something it doesn’t cling well enough and you get air to your food and it makes it stale.

It will remain in my fridge overnight. Yes that’s Sugar Free Strawberry Acai Jello, Sprite, a gallon of Sweet Tea, Smart Balance Butter, 2% Kraft Cheddar Cheese, and water along with the ziplock bag with half an onion.

It’s snowing!

It’s not just snowing a little, although my Weather Bar in Firefox suggest it that it’s “lightly snowing”, I disagree. I think it’s snowing a heck of a lot.  It’s Thurston’s first real snow. He’s enjoying it very very much. Bonnie is also enjoying the snow. It’s surprising since she doesn’t like the rain. The snow is so high that it’s hitting her belly.

 

I love that I live where it snows. I enjoy that we get one or two good snows a year that let the kids out of school. I’m hoping tonight will be coffee ( decaf for me) and a variety of creamers since Ry asks for one each time I go to the store even though we are well stocked, a pull-out couch bed, three animals and a good movie. Yay for time with my husband.

 

Next up is my how-to gingerbread house. My first attempt at a real build.

 

 

 

My week in review!

It seems as if this has been the longest week of my Aesthetics training career. Next week is my final week, then I have two days the week of Christmas and two days after that. I’m going to be visiting family on the 23rd and 24th. It is definitely a bittersweet ending. I’m grateful for my training and my teacher’s knowledge. But it’s getting rather crowed and my brain can’t really take that. Plus it begins a new season of my life. Searching for work ( after getting my license of course) and starting our family.

I was watching “The Little Couple’s,” most recent episode and was struck with the sadness that they are feeling. It appears that even with the injections Jen’s ovaries aren’t producing enough eggs. I hadn’t counted on that. I don’t know about what that means for me, I hadn’t even thought of that being an option. I was told with having (a very mild case) of PCOS that usually resulted in a large amount of eggs. It was just something that stuck out in my mind. I am going to be making my first appointment for January. It’s exciting that by this time next year we could be parents! Either by IVF or adoption. Honestly I think I’d like to pursue a local adoption first although I am still very much in favor for International adoption!

 

Thursday was of course Bowling Day. I beat Ryan, twice. He’s such a good sport about it and now has to come get a service before I finish school. I think I’ll just do another cleansing facial. He has to shave his full beard before I can take him to my state board exam. I haven’t seen him beardless since the first time we met, nearly 7 years ago. I can’t believe it’s been that long. We’ll be celebrating our 4th anniversary on April 28th. How time flies! Now we’ll be embarking on our new journey as well. I’m so grateful that I was blessed with such an amazing man! I am absolutely happy to be his helpmeet.

At school they call me “mother.” I think because I clean up after everyone, help others, and I’m genuinely enjoying these things. It makes me think how motherhood is a perfect calling for me. The only thing I’ve always wanted to be is a mother. The other things can come last. I enjoy cleaning, cooking, and providing for my family. I enjoy making dinner for my husband when he comes home. I am so blessed and grateful for a husband who is a hard worker and a servant of the Lord. That is for sure. There are so many girls in school who have boyfriends or who are married who don’t have the relationship that we do and that makes me very sad. I cannot imagine being married to someone you can’t trust.

I did receive some sad news this week. My World Vision sponsored child has left the project! I’ve been sponsoring her for 4 years now and I was really disappointed with the news but I will now be able to help out another child and this time I chose the Sierra Leone! I am grateful that I will be able to sponsor her.  For Christmas why not give gifts in the form of helping others? Check out World Vision’s Gift Catalog.

And can I mention how much I’m loving Ebates over MyPoints and SwagBucks!?

 

Perfect Pecan Pie!

Perfect Pecan Pie, again thanks to SimplyRecipes.

Ingredients

2 eggs, slightly beaten
1 cup light corn syrup
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 Tbsp molasses
2 Tbsp melted butter
2 Tbsp flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 1/4 cups pecans, coarsely chopped
1 9-inch pie shell, chilled for an hour if freshly made, defrosted for 10 minutes if frozen.

Method

1 Preheat oven to 375°F. Spread pecans along the bottom of the pie shell. Mix the remaining ingredients and pour over pecans. The pecans will rise to the surface of the pie.

2 Bake at 375°F for 45-50 minutes until the filling has set. About 20 minutes into the cooking you may want to use a pie crust protector, or tent the edges of the pie crust with aluminum foil to prevent the pie crust edges from burning.

3 Remove from oven and let cool completely.

Serves 8.

I’ve made 3 so far. They’re absolutely amazing.